Sleep Studies are Stupid

Disclaimer, I’m sure they are a very vital tool in the diagnosis and treatment of life threatening conditions. The following blog is my personal account of last nights events.

I was not looking forward to last night. As a matter of fact I laid on my couch until the last minute. I washed my makeup off and threw on some shorts and a tee shirt. I grabbed my pillow and my body pillow. My husband joked that this is something I’ve trained my entire life for. He assured me that I am the champion of sleeping and that I was going to do great.

Of course I was a few minutes late. I know my procrastination didn’t help but I had a hard time finding parking lot K. Let’s call my nurse Kim. I’m pretty sure her name was Kim, but it could have been Pam. Remembering names is not my superpower.

I don’t know why I was envisioning the Hampton Inn when thinking about this sleep study but I was sorely disappointed. The room was large and there was a private bath. The amenities stopped there. We went over some medical questions, I took my Lisinopril and then the fun began.

Princess and the pea comes to mind

Kim took alcohol swabs and started cleaning random places. She explained that she was going to stick multiple electrodes to my face, head, chest, and legs. What she didn’t tell me is how bad that was gonna suck. They didn’t hurt. They were awkward and I felt like Pinocchio all night. I’d move my leg and my head would pull. I’m not abnormally tall but I swear those leads where intended for someone closer to 4ft tall.

Once I was all hooked up I got into the bed. Kim told me that she would be watching me and if I needed anything I could just talk and she could hear me. This definitely did not help me get relaxed. I played on FB for awhile, texted my husband and sent awesome pictures to my friends.

I finally decided that the sooner I fell asleep, the sooner it would be over. I laid there like a gingerbread man. I’m quite certain that I set a personal record for laying still and not falling asleep. Kim came in at least 4 times during the night to reconnect something. At one point she mentioned that my necklace was making it appear as if I was having an episode. Again super comforting and not a reason for increased anxiety at all.

At one point during the night I really contemplated scratching the whole thing. I wasn’t sleeping and if I went home it would possible to get a few hours of good sleep before morning. It was probably around this time that I fell asleep. It had to be at about 5:58 because at 6am game over, lights on.

I am not a morning person. I don’t get up in the morning until between 7:45 and 9:15 depending on the day. When they say your sleep study will end at 6am they are not playing. Lights on, electrodes popping off, don’t let the door hit ya in the ass on the way out.

My morning charm may have come out in my post study questionnaire. When asked how well I slept on a scale of 1-10? I said without hesitation a two. I felt that was a very generous two. Then I was asked how long I feel like I slept, I said one hour. I could tell she thought I was full of shit but I swear it didn’t feel even close to an hour.

Now I can say that I did it. It wasn’t fun and I definitely wouldn’t sign up to do it again anytime soon. Take that for what it’s worth coming from someone who’s whole world goes to shit with an minor inconvenience.

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