Let me start out saying that I am fully aware of what a pain in the ass I am. I will never deny that when I’m sick, it escalates. Just when you think I couldn’t get any more ridiculous, I do.
My husband isn’t new here. He knows that if I’m sick, the world needs to stop turning. Even for a little bit. Just long enough for me to feel seen and get some sympathy.
On the flip side of that, if someone in my house is sick. I’m a wonderful nurse for about 12 hours. I can get Vernors, cold wash clothes, and anything else until about the 12 hour mark. Then I’m done. My sympathy just wears out. It’s not my best trait.
Yesterday was horrible. I hated myself. I couldn’t get comfortable. My nose couldn’t decide if it was plugged or running. I was pissy because it was the holiday weekend and I was sick. I didn’t want to eat but I was hungry. I tested negative for Covid twice which leaves the good ole fashioned flu.
After flip flopping in bed all day my husband finally suggested that I go lay down outside. I think he needed a change of scenery and he was tired of listening to me bitch. I went outside and laid on the patio until my latest craving struck.
These cravings have a mind of their own. When I had my hysterectomy last year all I would eat was lemon meringue yogurt and chunky applesauce. Well yesterdays craving was toast with grape jelly. Did we have grape jelly? Of course not. Did I have a meltdown over grape jelly? Absolutely, I did.
I don’t know what “normal” husband behavior is. I’ve been with mine for 22 years. He’s all I know. I assume that mine is rare. Kind of like the golden ticket of spouses if you will. Instead of getting upset he grabbed his keys and ran to the store. Since he was heading out anyway I asked if he could stop at Culver’s for a Concrete Mixer. I’ve made quite a sport out of pushing my luck. In this case it paid off.
After my grape jelly toast and chocolate concrete mixer with strawberries and dove chocolates (you need to try it) I went to bed. There was nothing else to do. We attempted to watch some cheesy movie but the acting was so bad we couldn’t finish it.
I woke up when he came to bed. My body felt so weird. It was the sensation of being high without being high. Of course the hypochondriac in me made sure to tell him that I thought I might be dying. He rubbed my leg and assured me that he really didn’t think I was. I wish I could have relaxed and enjoyed the feeling but I was convinced my heart was going to stop beating at any moment.
I must have fallen back asleep because when I woke up I was soaking wet. Like just left gym kind of wet. Now it was confirmed I was definitely dying. Chuck assured me that it was my fever breaking and that it was a good thing. I stumbled out of bed and stood in the shower for what felt like eternity. Of course I left our door open from our bedroom to the bathroom so he could hear me if the good lord came for me. Again, this is the level of my pain in the assery.
Today he is running some errands. I’m sure he was excited to just get out of the house and away from me. My latest real life craving is strawberry pretzel salad. I have never been able to successfully make this. The cream cheese layer always floats to the top. My daughter offered to attempt it and drop it off on her way to a gathering. I’m one lucky mom.
And with that it’s nap time. Stay safe and healthy my friends.
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