Adulting

I don’t want to brag but I’ve been kicking ass at this adulting gig the last week or so. I’ve made appointments for things that I’ve been putting off for years. I’ve had multiple appointments on the same day and didn’t die. Usually a full calendar gives me hella anxiety. The blanker it is the better I feel.

Last week I had something every day. Brogan had dentist appointments twice last week. I got my hair done. Not sure that counts when your friend comes to your house and does it, but I did put pants on so its worth at least 1/2 a point. Then I had a doctors appointment with my favorite doctor to talk about the ridiculous middle age hormonal acne that I’ve got going on. Hormones are a bitch. I can live with plucking a few chin hairs here and there, but the acne has to go. It’s been almost a week and I’m happy to say it’s clearing up. Hallelujah.

Love this guy

Today I had an impromptu lunch date with a friend. It was a beautiful day so got to sit out on the patio. I’m a huge believer in the value of friendships. I don’t have willy nilly friends. I have the friends that would jump in my corner at the drop of a hat, no questions asked. There are many times that I feel I lack in my friendship roles. I don’t text back, more often than I do. I suck at making plans any more than a day or two ahead of time. What I will say though is no matter what had happened, no matter how much time has passed, if we’ve ever been friends and you needed me, really needed me, I’d be there.

Truth

After lunch I had an hour to kill before I had to bring Brogan to his sports physical. I decided that was plenty of time to swing into Meijer. I was in fact wrong, and I knew better. I was checking out my cashier was an older man. Definitely not Aldi qualified but he was doing great. I had to mentally tell myself to chill out. This man isn’t making me late. I made myself late with my ridiculous expectations. I could feel that my aura of being bitchy may have been seeping out so I made a comment on how lovely his watch was. He thanked me and told me that his wife picked it out. He has a Seiko that he really likes as well. I took my receipt looked him in the eyes and thanked him. Then I called my kids and they explained how we were going to successfully execute the unpacking of groceries and leaving the driveway in a two minute window.

Apparently when you’re 14 year old boy you wonder if there will be any touching of the balls at your sports physical. I laughed as I explained to him that I honestly didn’t know. I don’t have balls and he’s my only son so I’m new to these things. I may have told him that I was pretty sure that they test the pressure strength of your gluteus maximus by making you squeeze a device between your butt cheeks. In my defense he’s been a little shit with all of his deez nuts jokes so I didn’t feel bad watching him sweat it out. Y’all go ahead and save for your kids collage funds and I’ll be over here saving for their adult therapy. I’m happy to report he is healthy and no balls were exposed today.

He can push my buttons like no other but then give me that grin and I melt

Now I had to drop him off and run to my eye exam. I am a big baby when it comes to eye exams. I’ll be the first to admit it. I hate it, despise it. I’d rather have 100 interns examining my new vaginal cuff that get those puffs of air in my eyes and read the lines. Now, one or two? Two or Three? Three or four? Shit, I don’t know! There’s too much pressure. If I get this wrong it’s wrong for the next year. This year she hit me with the B word. Bifocals. Hard pass doc. I opted for 2 different prescriptions. One for far away and one for close up. Of course I was way to mentally spent to stay and look at glasses. I have exceeded my adulting level today, maybe tomorrow.

I could hear the lady behind me trying to put in contacts. I thought I might pass out.

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