So, the sperm goes where now?

Obviously I have way too much free time right now. Ok let’s call it healing, not free time. That way it doesn’t sound like I should actually be doing productive things. You know, something when I look back in 6 weeks I can feel I accomplished greatness. Cleaning the spare room, organizing the kitchen cupboards, shit at this point I’d settle for just catching up on laundry. Instead I’ve successfully finished Sweet Magnolias, Sex Life, and Firefly Lane on Netflix. Oh and I happened to catch a cute movie called Mothers Day last night too. Currently watching Workin Moms. This show is definitely my jam.

It’s very hard for me to focus on one task. Always has been. I’m quite certain that’s where my Addison gets it from. More times than not while I’m watching tv I’ll be playing a game of solitaire or scrolling the ole Facebook. The last week I’ve been googling a lot. Things I probably should have googled pre hysterectomy but I didn’t have the guts. Like, where does the sperm go now? Interestingly enough, apparently now it’s just gonna swim around in my abdominal cavity. I’m a bit weirded out by that.

I’m going to be the first to admit that for some reason the words laparoscopic and outpatient somehow downplays the fact that a hysterectomy is a big deal. Actually it is officially called a total laparoscopic hysterectomy, with bilateral salpingectomy, and cystoscopy. That’s a bunch of fancy words for removal of innards then placing sutures where the sun doesn’t shine. When Dr. Leary first told me that I’d be down for at least 6 weeks I thought she was crazy. Now I understand. I understand that even though I’m looking alive on the outside, my insides have a long way to go.

It’s funny how I suddenly feel like I have PMS today. Seriously bitchy, and very little patience. Brogan was going to try and make some money on his Nerf collection, but instead he bought new darts on Amazon that came in record time. I love listening to the wizzing of new Nerf bullets hit anything and everything. Insert eye roll. My poor husband can’t do anything right either. Every word that comes out of his mouth is slow motion. I want to reach in his throat and pull out the words. Jesus, I don’t think I even like me much today.

I did get my Addison home today finally. She’s been getting spoiled rotten at Nana and Papas. I’m so glad she got to spend the last week with her aunts and cousins. She would have been bored, and stir crazy here at home, that’s for sure. Im pretty sure that a week is the longest I’ve been without her. She made hella memories and the knots in her hair will absolutely occupy at least an hour of my “free” time tonight.

It’s kind of ironic that when Chuck and I were trying to bank our sex time, because we wouldn’t be able to have it for six weeks, we couldn’t get rid of the kids. Now that it’s off limits they are gone all the time. Maybe Alanis can add that chorus to her Ironic song. Struggling house wife who doesn’t have the opportunity for a mind blowing loud sex session until her vagina is off limits. Billboard charts top 10 right there. Isn’t it Ironic.