As you are well aware this winter has been a tough one for me. I remember thinking that I was one small inconvenience, or event from checking myself in somewhere. I was not myself, I was nothing more than an empty shell. I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t sad, I was just empty. I needed something, anything. A change of scenery, a mental break and a lot of sunshine. I felt like I was spiraling out of control.
As a family we try to take one or two trips a year. In the past we’ve gone big, and done Disney World. Some years we went smaller and did Maryland or Tennessee. This year though, I needed something without kids. As a matter of fact, when I started planning this trip I didn’t even consider my own husband as a contender to accompany me. I remember the look on his face when I told him I was going. I had zero regard for his feelings, I was in survival mode. Thank GOD he fought hard, and jumped through hoops to go. It was a pivotal point in turning the struggle bus we’ve been on around.
When you look at this picture you see an average man. When I look at this picture I see my entire world. I’ve put him through hell, yet he never gave up on us. He has never made me feel less than or insignificant. He has always put me first. In 20 years I can not remember him ever raising his voice, or swearing at me. His love is given in forms of respect and protection. He is my protector from the world and occasionally from myself. I brought him with me on this mini vacation and he brought me back to reality.
We flew to Cocoa Beach Florida on Thursday and stayed until Sunday. No kids, just us. Just us, the beach, the sun, a convertible and 3 heavy books that he lugged around for me that I never read. When I say this trip was rejuvenating, I mean it on so many levels. There is something about the beach and the sound of the ocean. Not having any plans and endless possibilities for 3 whole days. It was heaven. We did sunrises and sunsets, collected seashells and selfies. Snuck kisses and laughs. I remember riding along the coast with the sun shining and I looked down and his hand was on my thigh. His hand is always on my thigh when he drives. Not in a sexual dominating way, but a gentle, loving, reassuring way. I almost took that for granted.
We now have a mission to make each other more of a priority. More intentional time to spend nurturing each other. Yes we have kids, but they don’t come first, and I mean that in the most loving way.