I may be occasionally needy, but I am not a kept woman.

My marriage consists of many different traits. It’s like a chameleon, ever changing depending on the circumstance. Some moments it’s humor and some it’s irritation. It’s really what makes the world go round. A balance of 2 imperfect people navigating through life.

I will be 100% honest. I am a pain in the ass. There are so many emotions that run through me, I get annoyed sometimes. I do know that there are about 3-4 days a month that’s I’m needy as hell. Like a puppy dog following him around, begging for attention. I’ll sit right next to him. I’ll randomly hug him or rub his back. He can hardly go to the bathroom without me.

Then there are 5-7 days where I’m a damn monster. Don’t breathe wrong, for gods sake don’t chew, and I swear if I have to pick up his socks or pants off the floor again, I might have my own episode of snapped. He can’t do anything right but neither can my kids. Bowls full of soggy cereal and milk just sitting in the sink. Half drank water bottles all through the house. Lately with a hole poked in the cap so they can squirt each other.

The thing is, I don’t try and hide it. As a matter fact, I have a vocal disclaimer “Not today dude, not today”. They usually get one, maybe two of them depending on how distracted I am. Yet somehow when I actually lose my shit, they all act stunned. Every single one of my kids could easily win an Oscar for outstanding performance.

More than once in my relationship it has been eluded to that I am spoiled and extremely lucky. My grandma, rest her soul, was probably one of the worst offenders of this. Every time I would see her she would say “How’s Chuck?” “Jennifer he is such a great guy, do you ever wonder how you got so lucky?” The easiest and most repeated response was “everyday Nana, everyday”. Unless I was feeling feisty and occasionally I would throw out a “Hey nana, do you ever wonder how he got so lucky?” I liked to throw her off her game every once in awhile. She would laugh but never really acknowledge that I had a point.

I will not deny that I am blessed but I also know that I am kind of a trophy piece myself. I can pull sarcastic comebacks out faster than a magician with a hat. I’m not a chef but I can cook. I can find a bargain on anything, and I try to make myself presentable more often than not. I actually enjoy the time I spend getting ready. It’s almost therapeutic. I can rock some ratty old tee, but I also enjoy a nicely tailored blazer with some fancy ass flats.

Here’s the kept woman part. I work, I work my ass off. I am not the bread winner, but that does not make my job any less important. I find great pride in what I do. It fills a piece of my service heart, while padding my bank account. Don’t get me wrong there was a time 3 years ago where I thought I was ready to retire. Uncharacteristically I walked off the job. The job that I had for over a decade. My husband was less than pleased with my rash decision. I act on emotion, always have. Sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s bad. I thought I’d take some time off, he thought differently. The stars aligned and here I am, working with the best team around doing what I absolutely love.

This all brings me to yesterday. Yesterday I got a new car. Yes it’s beautiful. I am absolutely elated. I also however deserve it. I have been driving a mini van for the last 13 years. As a matter of fact the same mini van for the last 10. A 2008 Chrysler Town and Country. I have enjoyed my van. The room can’t be beat. I can get 12 foot pieces of trim in there from the windshield to the back, and so much more. The problem is it was starting to be unreliable. Little things here and there. My mechanic has come to my rescue more than once. There’s a knocking that randomly comes from the glove box. Super embarrassing when your in a quiet location. Or to open the back hatch, you have to put your foot on the bumper in one place and push another spot with your hand to get it to open. Again, a game of twister when you have your hands full. That van owes me nothing. I have driven and enjoyed it right up to the end.

I am blessed but I am not lucky. I work and I bring things to the table. I know my worth and then I add tax, you should too.